In medieval society, it was thought that the heart and mind were symbiotically connected. As the blood-pumping organ at the center of the body, medical and philosophical thought placed the heart as the catalyst of all other bodily functions, including reason.
Naturally, this extended to love, sex and marriage, with the invocation of the heart being used to communicate truth, sincerity and serious commitment to matrimony. A popular proverb of the time stated ‘that which the heart thinks, the mouth speaks’. However, the medieval period was also infused with other ideas about how love should be communicated. Ideals of chivalry and courtly love represented the pursuit of love as a noble aim.
In practice, romance was not so romantic, with married parties often not meeting before saying ‘I do’, women sometimes being forced to marry their abusers and the church creating strict rules about how, when and with whom people could have sex.
Here’s an introduction to love, sex and marriage in the medieval period.
New ideas of ‘courtly love’ dominated the period
Lore, song and literature written for royal entertainment quickly spread and gave rise to the concept of courtly love. Tales of knights who were willing to sacrifice everything for honour and the love of their maiden encouraged this style of courtship.
Rather than sex or marriage, love was the focus, and characters rarely ended up together. Instead, tales of courtly love depicted lovers admiring each other from far away, and normally ended in tragedy. Interestingly, it has been theorised that ideas of courtly love benefitted noblewomen. Since chivalry supposedly held women in such high regard and men were supposed to be utterly devoted to them, women were able to exercise more authority and power in the household.
This was particularly pronounced with an emerging class of wealthy townsfolk who owned significant material goods. In addition to demonstrating love through obedience, it was now more usual for women to be the head of the family and control all important matters when the lord was away, in return for his love and honour. Chivalric codes became a useful tool for a more balanced marriage. Naturally, these benefits did not extend to poorer women.
Courtship was rarely prolonged
In spite of the lovelorn image painted by chivalric ideals, medieval courtship amongst more wealthy members of society was normally a matter of parents negotiating as a means of increasing family power or wealth. Often, young people wouldn’t meet their future spouses until after the marriage had already been arranged, and even if they did, their courtship was tightly monitored and controlled.
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